A Mother’s Journey From Loss To Life

My husband Francis and I married in 2021, and soon began planning for children. What followed were several early miscarriages, each loss carving deep wounds of pain and fear into my heart. The unspoken question haunted every hope: Could we ever have a child?

In November 2023, I conceived again. This time, a heartbeat was detected. Joy flooded in, but so did the ghosts of past losses. At 14 weeks, the scan revealed devastating news: fluid around the baby, swelling that pointed to hydrops fetalis caused by a congenital heart abnormality. Francis and I felt utterly lost.

But we were not alone. Aunty Pauline, Aunty Hannah, Aunty Janet, and Elder Sim stood with us, praying for healing and believing for a miracle. During this season of waiting, God spoke to my heart, leading me to name our baby Tehillah, meaning "praise."

In February 2024, I had a dream: Tehillah receiving a complete, beautiful heart. Two days later, the doctor confirmed she had passed away. In that moment, understanding broke through the grief - she had received her complete healing in heaven. Because of her size, I endured induced labour. We held a funeral to say our goodbyes.

Grief consumed me, but so did shame. How could God not answer the prayers of someone faithfully serving Him? Through Bible study and Rhema sessions, truth broke through the lies: my fear had unknowingly opened doors to the enemy. During my confinement, God tenderly restored my relationship with my mother. Francis and I chose to trust Him, no matter what.

We kept attending prayer meetings, placing our requests for children in the prayer bowl. During one dawn prayer gathering, Pastor Philip came beside us and specifically prayed for us to have children. My heart was deeply moved.

Months later, I conceived again. This time, everything was different. I refused to give fear any ground. Even when early pregnancy bleeding came, I stood on God's presence and His promises.

Today, I hold my daughter, Eliana, which means "God answered." Through the valley of loss, I've learned that God sees the beginning and the end, is always good, and His faithfulness never fails. I thank God for the people who walked with me through the darkness, and I praise Him as the Alpha and Omega.

Psalm 27 now lives in my heart: "The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?"

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